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The biggest online drug
Friday, August 22 2006
Are you a MySpace whore who loves the latest in myspace edits? Do you daily check 'MySpace's" for that quick friends update fix? Then you are forever addicted. Cool or uncool, you have become 'that guy' or 'that girl'. I knew of this dude in Indiana who was found frozen at his computer...they say...he was waiting for a comment reply. Poor guy. Then there was this chicklette in Texas...almost too grotesque to write about...that was found dead. The weird thing was that he hand is in a constant clicking motion. When she was found she was clicking 'add as friend' over and over and over again. The official COD (cause of death) was 'she was myspaced'. I feel for her family and friends. If you know someone that is passed the point of no return then I encourage you to write the best damn yugoogali (as Zoolander put it) and send them off in an honorable way. Pray for their family and learn from their mistakes.
Regift
Thursday, September 21 2006
Welcome, one and all, to a frank discussion of a grand old holiday tradition we all practice and pretend we don’t. Today we are covering the traditionally regift. Webster defines regift as "to give an unwanted gift to someone else; to give as a gift something one previously received as a gift; also written re-gift". The first recorded historical regift was that of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh. Although, I'm pretty sure Mary and Joseph didn't mind those regifts.
Re-gift has become such a common practice (multi-billion dollar industry) that Ebay dedicated an entire category towards it call 'Everything Else', a once-time receiver of a regift created the Regift Network., the Food Network, WE channel and Oprah (Ok this one I don't know for sure...but she probably did), did a special on it and there is the never-changing joke: "There are only two fruitcakes made each year, and we just keep foisting them off on each other."
When regifting, and you know you have or plan to, remember the dozen re-gift rules:
1) Don't mention it, please.
2) Do update the wrapping.
3) Don't give hand-me-downs as regifts.
4) Do keep track of who gave it to you first.
5) Don't EVER regift these items. Certain items are a total, dead, instant giveaway that you are not only regifting, but you’re too lame to put any effort into it: candles, soap, random books, mysterious CDs (unless your brother wants the hip-hop version of “Man of La Mancha”), obscure software, cheesy jewelry, scarves (do we not all own a scarf?), fruitcake, pens, cologne, boxed sets of extinct bath products (Jean Nate? No, no, no), videos or DVDs obviously acquired on a street corner, socks and any appliances or electronic gear the giftee would be puzzled to receive because they probably just got rid of it (including hot-air popcorn poppers and anything with a cassette deck in it).
6) Do have the courtesy to clean your regifts.
7) Don't give partially used gift cards.
8) Do remember that regifts can be funny. (but be sure to make the prank clear)
9) Don't give something you've owned for awhile.
10) Do regift champagne.
11) Don't give products from defunct companies.
12) Do sell your gifts on eBay.
Well, it’s about time for you and me to start rewrapping some of last year’s presents, eh?
But before you go, let me add that whether you find this blog cynical, shocking or brimming with useful ideas -- it’s just the natural next step for an over-gifted society. Ever since the term “regifting” was introduced on “Seinfeld” in 1995 what was once a dirty little secret has become a way of life, and not a bad way to save money.
Of course, it's only a matter of time before someone does to regifting what eBay did with online auctions. Last year, one William Dodd obtained a patent on a new regifting technology that lets you regift something before you've even received it. (I'm not making this up!) Soon, that scarf you bought online for Jane could be virtually regifted via e-mail. (“Happy Holidays, Jane -- Vera has sent you this lovely scarf”). Then Jane will either accept it or instantly regift it.
The only hitch is that a gift, unlike fruitcake, can't circulate forever. It's like the children's game Hot Potato: When time runs out, the loser has to keep the present.
Cell Phone Illumination
Sunday, October 8 2006
Today, bloggers, I come to you with a request to dig back into your days of 'concerting' and think real hard as to how and what you expressed your musical delight with. Was it a lighter, the universal hand signal for love or did you just bob your head back and forth because everyone else was doing it and you didn't want to feel left out (even though it did cause your head to feel like it was filled with marbles). Do you think those iconic forms of musical expression remained steadfast? If your answer is yes than you obviously have not been to a concert in 2006.
Leave the lighter at home and work out those thumbs because todays concert goers express their love of the music with cell phone illumination.
Picture an entire arena illuminated by the glow of thousands of cell phones. It’s quite eerie and slightly less effective. Blame advancements in technology not children for their disconnection and desensitization from the true emotions emitted from music. I know I just used a lighter to communicate 'emotions of music'...but you get my point.
Lesson learned...in order to 'get with the program' we have to be 'in the know'. Your 'know' for today is illuminate the stadium!
